Pizza is a vegetable;
9/11 was an inside job.

fuckinuptensesleftrightandcenter

you can't be considered a beautiful person if you never had the capacity to show others that you are.

Self Masturbatory revised black out

took an old piece of work and blacked it out in word. because apparently I have a huge writing boner for black out poetry. 

Sad nights on my computer listening to Robert Smith's voice

since I was 13 have always seemed relevant.

feeling this heavy happened once before in high school, then again last week.

Fuck I felt so heavy today walking home.
Like every step I took the ground behind me crumbled and a little bit of myself inside sunk into my boots.

And this all sounds very poetic and shitty and cliche, but it's how I felt.

I walked up the hill though, and it's like the metaphor of going uphill and triumphing became real, so I went and bought milk and a cross-word scratch ticket (it's the little victories in life, like not going straight home to lie on your floor until someone comes home and asks what your doing and you can't explain it aside from "I felt heavy and I didn't want to use my legs anymore so I thought I'd lie here") and came home.

Then I was heavy again, and I ate a bunch of things then fell asleep on the couch for 4 hours.

Now I can't sleep, and I just want to download this fucking app that plays wave noises and has calming meditative walk throughs so that I stop thinking about today and tomorrow and every other day in my life and just go to sleep so that I don't fall asleep in class tomorrow.

this is shitty, this is all shitty. But I was going to write something like this last week and I didn't and it has been bugging me ever since. but writing shit like this makes me feel like a tool. And maybe I'm a bit glad that I'm pretty sure all these pageviews are just spam bots or flukes.



...I just went back and looked at the entry when I wanted to write this before. It was 2 weeks ago not last week. Nothing has changed in two weeks. goddammit.